Mucha Cha

We have another niece! Everyone is very excited, including Prince William (pictured at right), who absolutely insisted on being the first person to hold her once she had been cleaned up a bit. The little one apparently wasn't in any rush to leave the womb, but then again why should she have been when on the inside she was guaranteed a serving of Dunkin' Donuts every morning? Nik was hoping that five straight days of vigorous jumping jacks would get the process started naturally, but her team of Congressionally appointed medical experts felt it necessary to induce* labor around nine thirty last night so that she would be sufficiently effaced** and dilated*** this morning to begin delivery****. Still no word on what the little Cha's name will be, but last night Vanessa suggested "Mo" (as in "Mo Cha"), and I understand that it's become a serious contender.

Author's Note: Having read a couple of pamphlets in preparation of being a father myself, I thought I would help some of you non-parental types with definitions for some of the terms used above:

* induce: although many assume that the term stems from Latin meaning "to stimulate" or "to cause", it was actually derived from the induction oven, which is what one should use when one wants to finish baking something really fast but doesn't want to risk it getting all soggy and limp in the microwave. This is one of many not-so-subtle comparisons between pregnancy and baking, such as "The newest addition to the Chalexandropoulos household spent just over 41 weeks baking, after which she came out with a warm gooey meconium center."

** effaced: a more sophisticated medical way of saying "f#ck-faced" or "f-faced", which is what one inevitably becomes when going through the birthing process.

*** dilated: Trust me, if you don't know already you don't want to find out.

**** delivery: complete and total misnomer, probably stemming from another false association with baking. "Delivery" implies getting something within thirty minutes or it's free; obstetricians, however, refuse to use the more appropriate term ("exorcism") for fear that it will put them out of work.