Pigeon Lady goes to court
If I haven't shared the news with you already, I got a call on Friday from an attorney here in Paris who told me that he is representing our building in a suit against Pigeon Lady. We had heard rumors that there were several lawsuits filed against her (one being filed by our building association and the others by the neighboring buildings), but the Friday call was the first concrete sign that anything was actually being done. The attorney told me that in response to the suit, Pigeon Lady admitted that she had fed the pigeons in the past, but insisted that she had stopped feeding the pigeons some time ago (not that you would ever be able to tell based on the amount of pigeon crap all over our balcony).The attorney asked if I would write a letter countering her testimony, a kind of "pigeon affidavit", if you will. I almost wet my pants with excitement at the chance to get back at the old bag, so I spent a good two hours drafting what I hoped would be the letter that helps send her opera-blaring pigeon-feeding ranting and raving ass upriver. If you can read French, I wholeheartedly invite you to give it a look.* If you can't read French, you should be ashamed of yourself and find someone who can. It's pure poetry.
*The names and addresses in the affidavit have been blocked out to protect the innocent, as well as the not-so-innocent. We all know who she is, anyway.
3 comments:
A damning letter indeed. I didn't realize she had poured water on you, too. What a nut.
translate it to english, s'il vouz plait (i'm sure i spelled that wrong)
A Quick, Very Rough Translation:
Mr. L__,
[I am writing this testimony] following a conversation with Mr. __ concerning a summons received by Mrs. B__. I am a lawyer and live with my wife on [their address]. Our apartment is situated on the fourh floor, just below that of Mrs. B__.
From our apartment we can testify that Mrs. B. has not ceased to feed the pigeons since we moved in nearly two years ago. Mrs. B. regularly feeds the pigeons at least once a day (often she feeds them several times a day). Furthermore, she has fed them as recently as this past Saturday (September 16). Consequently, we often find on our balcony seeds, raisins, and even little sacks of bird food that fall from her balcony and suffer from the noise caused by dozens of pigeons that come to eat them.
Because of this, our balcony is constantly covered in feathers and bird droppings. Moreover, Mrs. B__, throwing buckets of dirty water on our balcony to get rid of any trace of the pigeons, dirties our windows, our balcony, and the rest of the building. Since the month of July 2006, I have filled three large trashbags with material that has fallen from her balcony. Of the three, I have kept two as proof, and I to throw away the third, since it contained a dead pigeon. These bags are at your disposal.
Due to the actions of our neighbor, we cannot enjoy our balcony or even open the windows in our living room and bedroom, even during the summer. I can testify to the fact that Mrs. B__, when I asked for the nth time to stop throwing buckets of dirty water on our balcony, willfully threw dirty water on me.
The disturbances caused by Mrs. B__ also include noise. Mrs. B__ puts her radio on at full volume and listens to music all day starting at 7:00 a.m. until late in the night. Not caring out this loud unpleasantness, Mrs. B__ leaves her windows open, notably those that give out onto the interior court of our apartment, which causes the music to echo through the entire building. Her hi-fi stereo is so powerful that I can here it from the sidewalk more than 100 meters from my home. When I nicely asked her to turn down the volume of her radio or at least shut her windows, she told me that I was only renting my apartmentand had just arrived, while she owned her apartment and lived in it for seven years, so I had no right to complain. As a response, she told me to soundproof my apartment.
My case is unfortunately not isolated. When the apartment owners across from her have asked her to stop feeding the pigeons, she told them that she had not fed them in a long time but that the pigeons seemed to like her balcony. To annoy these people that had dared to challenge her[?], she returned to throwing food to the pigeons no less than five tims at least in two hours. And when other neighbors in our apartment asked her to turn down the volume of her radio, she dared to tell them that they were the only ones in the apartment that complained about the noise, and added (all in regards to turning down the radio) that they must be a little too sensitive and that the hi-fi sterio was not as powerful as they wanted to believe.
I am convinced that Mrs. B__ takes a certain pleasure in annoying her neighbors and acting with total impunity. Only a significant monetary imposition can perhaps incite her to change her attitude towards her neighbors. I understand that Mrs. B__ has already received numerous fines of a certain amount for nuisances, but in view of the present situation, il seems that the cost of these fines is not a deterent.
I am entirely at your disposition for any other information that you judge necessary.
Cordially,
Lee Vanderpool
Post a Comment