Fat-asses now blaming Ambien

Just in case you needed another reason to avoid taking drugs, an upcoming study shows that one of the side-effects of Ambien may be somnambulic consumption, or "sleep-eating". In some cases the user is so profoundly asleep that he or she has no recollection of eating during the night despite the presence of crumbs and other food-related detritus in or around the bed the next morning. According to The New York Times,

[One] woman in Salinas, Calif. ... said she would awaken to find candy bar wrappers next to her bed and Popsicle sticks on the floor near the refrigerator. She blamed her husband and sons before finally believing their claims that she was eating at night, unaware. Despite seeing several doctors, Ms. Pobre did not link Ambien to her nocturnal eating until after she gained 100 pounds.

If (a) you wake up in the morning feeling five pounds heavier, (b) you're surrounded by opened Snickers wrappers and grape Popsicle sticks and (c) your poo comes out all nutty and purple, it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to deduce that you were probably eating in your sleep. Blaming your husband and kids for planting food wrappers around your bed while you're packing on 100 pounds makes about as much sense as accusing the cleaning lady of wetting your bed in the middle of the night. I mean, I know that she's doing it, but for some reason Pegs chooses to keep yelling at me.