Hey, Mister. Wanna buy a watch?

If you were in the market to buy a watch, crack open your piggy bank and cash in those Enron bonds that Aunt Phyllis gave you last year. Eric "the Second-Hand" Schwesinger is putting a heckuva nice timepiece up for grabs on eBay after deciding that he would rather use the money to finance his growing My Little Pony collection. In addition to boasting a chronograph, date dial and moon phase dial (every werewolf should have one), this pristine sample of Zenith craftsmanship is guaranteed to increase in value* since it contains trace samples of Eric's DNA, which you may freely use to clone your own army of mini-Schwesingers to cook, clean and trade oil and natural gas for you. Cash, checks and My Little Ponies accepted.

* Guarantee valid only in Guam.