How I've spent my day
I keep dreaming up ways to make the people visiting Pigeon Lady's apartment think that it would be horrible to live in this building. I'm torn between wanting to make Pigeon Lady's life miserable by scaring away her potential buyers and not wanting to do anything to jeopardize her moving out. So far all I've been able to come up with is:
Opening our windows and playing some obnoxious music at full volume.
Con: If I play music at full volume I will antagonize all of our other neighbors.
Pro: Because we never play our music loudly, they might realize what I'm doing and not get too angry.
Playing Lee's guitar.
Con: Lee might get angry if I ruin his guitar.
Pro: He might let me do it if it would piss off Pigeon Lady.
Roaming the stairwell acting like a crazy person.
Con: I don't recognize all of our neighbors, so I might accidentally scare them.
Pro: It might be fun.
Posting a formal looking notice in the elevator about either the extensive termite problem in the building or the structural damage to the building and how expensive it is going to be to fix.
Con: I would need someone's help writing it in formal, correct French and Lee's too busy at work.
Pro: Uhm. I'll get back to you.
Hold me.
Opening our windows and playing some obnoxious music at full volume.
Con: If I play music at full volume I will antagonize all of our other neighbors.
Pro: Because we never play our music loudly, they might realize what I'm doing and not get too angry.
Playing Lee's guitar.
Con: Lee might get angry if I ruin his guitar.
Pro: He might let me do it if it would piss off Pigeon Lady.
Roaming the stairwell acting like a crazy person.
Con: I don't recognize all of our neighbors, so I might accidentally scare them.
Pro: It might be fun.
Posting a formal looking notice in the elevator about either the extensive termite problem in the building or the structural damage to the building and how expensive it is going to be to fix.
Con: I would need someone's help writing it in formal, correct French and Lee's too busy at work.
Pro: Uhm. I'll get back to you.
Hold me.
3 comments:
Is that picture really your Pigeon lady? How did you get that picture? Did you take it on your cell phone while pretending to get a signal, or did you just run up to her and snap a shot? Were you dressed in disguise?
No, it's not really her. Here in the Alexanderpool household, we take great pains to keep our nemesis' identity (both name and face) a secret. Otherwise, we're fairly certain that our rabid fans would take matters into their own hands and exact revenge on her in our names. And while that would be wonderful, we really don't want to have to repaint the ceiling after her bloated corpse excretes the last of its bodily fluids through her apartment floor. Besides, it's more fun to let you guess what she looks like.
I'm happy to share the bitch's name, address and phone number, but Lee won't let me post it.
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