Man robs bank as retirement plan

If you were looking for evidence that the American job market sucks for the elderly, look no further. Timothy Bowers, an unemployed (almost) 63-year old Ohio native, decided to take extreme measures when he couldn't find steady work after he lost his job in 2003: he robbed a bank. The catch is that after the teller handed him the loot (a whopping $80), he immediately went up to a security guard and turned himself in. His goal? To get a three-year prison sentence until he would be eligible for social security. Surprisingly enough, the judge complied. "It's not the financial plan I would choose, but it's a financial plan," prosecutor Dan Cable said.

When grandpas start robbing banks as a stopgap until hitting retirement age, you should know that as a country you've got a serious problem. I hope for Mr. Bowers' sake that he joins a gang real fast or enjoys packing crushed glass up his chute, because the last time I was in the joint it certainly wasn't the picnic all the brochures made it out to be.