Say something funny
I'll start with a few jokes I found by googling "funny jokes" that make me chuckle.
Q: How many Spaniards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Juan.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other, and says "Does this taste funny to you?"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The interrupting cow.
The interr--
Moo.
Where does GW keep his army?
Up his sleevie.
Q. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb
A. Fish
And, here is something funny that happened to me. Back when I was in the 11th grade, one morning while I getting ready for school I decided to curl my eyelashes. Because I am a big fan of multi-tasking, I decided to go get something from my bedroom while in the process of curling them. On the way to the bedroom I tripped and pulled out all of my eyelashes. I'm sure that it hurt, but all I could think of was the fact that I would have to go to school with no eyelashes on one eye. I briefly thought of trying to pull out all of the eyelashes on my other eye. But decided I would look less dumb with eyelashes on at least one eye. Yeah.
12 comments:
A quick, embarrassing story from me:
Yesterday a fellow graduate student came into my office to ask a question.
"Derek, do you think it's alright if a student of mine takes his paper for my class to the Writing Center? Is that considered cheating?"
"No," I said. "It means his writing sucks hard and he knows it, so let him go."
"Okay," the other grad student said. He then stepped just outside my office, leaned around the corner, and said to the student who apparently listening to our conversation the whole time, "Yeah, you can go to the Writing Center."
I'm an ass.
Every Friday my wonderful mother-in-law-to-be (Mrs. Kathryn Davis, for those of you who don't know) sends out jokes. Here was one from yesterday that I hope Pegs and Nikki find more humorous than offensive:
What did the Greek tailor tell his careless customer?
"Euripedes, Eumenides"
Derek, allow me to translate for my sister because I didn't get it until Lee explained it like this to me:
You ripa dese, you mena dese.
Another Friday joke from Kathryn Davis:
An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day
trying to get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who
was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn
out and depressed.
As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he
went and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long
hot soak in the bathtub pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and
was told that her husband's client, Mr. Wright, had been granted his stay of execution after all.
Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go
upstairs to give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of
her husband's rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs
and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
He whirled around and screamed,
"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN, DON'T
YOU EVER STOP?!"
Is it because Americans butcher the pronunciation of Euripedes and Eumenides? How are they actually pronounced?
Euripedes and Eumenides.
Yeah, that helps. Thanks.
I, too, am at work and it sucks the big one. anyway, I had a funny transcript from a deposition my friend took that i thought you might enjoy, but I can't find it, so I found some funny ones on line. btw, its young. i forgot my login and paswword.
www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/95q3/court.html
--------------------------------
Q No one went with you from Foobar to assist
you. Correct?
A It seems to me--not from Foobar. Like I
said, it was a long time ago. I mean, my memory is as
short as my peter.
---------------------------------
Q Next time you saw him?
A August 12, 1991. Checked tonsils--no,
I'm sorry, checked testicle. Must be mother asking.
But I didn't find anything wrong with testicle. On
the contrary, I noticed there was an ear problem.
----------------------------------
Q Do you currently have normal bowel
movements?
A No.
Q In what way have they changed?
A I have a lot more gas that I--I fart a
lot more; and when I do, they're much stronger than
the normal person.
Isn't that true, Jane?
I know it's not funny, but it's true.
by the way, you don't need a log in and password. just choose "other", type your name in, ignore the "your web page" part and click "publish your comment".
whenever yoda's eye twitched she thought the A team was calling her
A Priest and a Rabbi are riding in a plane. After a while, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The Rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The Priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the Rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork."
The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The Priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The Rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The Priest replied, "Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."
The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "A lot better than pork isn't it?"
Thanks, everybody! Your jokes and stories really helped to make the evening at the office a lot more bearable. Be sure to keep 'em coming!
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