Peanut Butter Nazi

I live with the peanut butter nazi. He only allows the peanut butter to be eaten a certain way. He claims that the top must be smooth at all times or the oil will pool in the lowest spot and the peanut butter will dry out. You can see how he does it in the picture. And not only must the peanut butter be stored this way, but it must be eaten this way.

Last week Lee had the jar of peanut butter out and was snacking on it with some crackers, so I decided to dip my knife in it and take some out. The way I got yelled at, you would think that I had killed his mother. But I didn't realize how much it was affecting me until I went into the kitchen a little while ago and saw the peanut butter on the shelf and decided to have a little bit. I changed my mind just as I was getting the spoon out because I realized that I wouldn't be able to smooth it out like he likes it and would therefore receive the wrath of Lee once again.

But the funniest thing has to be what just happened. Lee was on the phone while I was typing this post. I have the peanut butter out next to the lamp in the room I'm in so that I can take pictures of it. When Lee got off the phone he came into the room I'm in to tell me something and he noticed the peanut butter without a lid next to the lamp. I quickly minimized the window I was typing in and started giggling. This is the conversation that followed:

Lee: Why do you have the peanut butter here and the lid all the way over there?

Panagiota: Uh.

Lee: It's going to dry out. Why is the peanut butter sitting next to the lamp without a lid? How long has it been here?

Panagiota: Not very long. [laughter]

Lee: Why are you laughing? How long has the peanut butter been out here? It's been out here for a while hasn't it?

Panagiota: [laughter]

Lee: For a couple of hours? More? Since the morning? It's been out here since this morning hasn't it?

Panagiota: [laughter]

Lee: Since when? Since 4 o'clock this morning? Why are you laughing? It's been out here since 5 this morning hasn't it? Why aren't you answering me? Why are you laughing? How long has it been out here?

Panagiota: I already told you, not very long. [laughter].

Lee: I can't trust you with the peanut butter can I? [walking away] It's sad that I can't trust my own wife with the peanut butter.

I've never wished I had a tape recorder so badly in my life.