Take a Ride on a Cruise Shit

Do you love to travel around the world in the lap of luxury? Do you long to absorb the sights and sounds of far-away lands? Do you love suffering from explosive diarrhea, uncontrollable vomiting and stabbing stomach cramps? Then maybe you should book a cruise on the Freedom of the Seas, the latest luxury liner to be hit with the novovirus. Royal Caribbean's flagship, the largest in the world, was held in Miami for a thorough inspection and decontamination after at least 106 passengers complained of symptoms typically associated with watching Ronald Reagan films. The incident marks the second time that the Freedom of the Seas has been host to the dreaded novovirus in just over a year and is the latest in a string of outbreaks on cruise ships around the world. In response to the episode, the federal goverment will reportedly lower Freedom's ranking on its list of worldwide locations inhospitable to human life to somewhere between Tikrit, Iraq and the Ninth Ward in New Orleans.