Happy Valentine's Day

It's February 14 again, which means that another Valentine's Day has rolled around. I've always freakin' hated Valentine's Day and all of the other holidays that Hallmark promotes as an opportunity to sell more cards and candy. It just feels so artificial and arbitrary to me. I mean, let's be honest: no amount of flowers or sweets or silly romantic gifts could ever express how much I love Pegs (can you tell that I haven't bought her anything?).

Rather than blowing this week's paycheck on empty calories or bouquets of dying roses, try following this list of ten things you can do today (and every other day) that won't put a dime into Hallmark's coffers but will help remind your loved one(s) how much you care about them:

1. Brush your teeth after each meal.
2. Shower thoroughly.
3. Trim any unsightly hair on your person.
4. Clip your fingernails.
5. Wear clean socks and underwear, or don't wear any at all.
6. Wear flattering clothing.
7. Don't eat or drink too much.
8. Exercise.
9. Don't burp or pass gas (even quietly) in your loved one's company.
10. Tell your loved one that you love him or her.

It's a pretty simple set of rules to follow, but I guarantee you that doing all of those things will carry a lot more weight than a box of mixed chocolates and a piece of cardboard with a teddy bear on the cover. You can trust me on this one; my moves are so sexy that I once made Panagiota's pants spontaneously combust using only my mind. My mind.