The Axis of Evil
Today I discovered that I might be part-Evil. Here's what happened:
Time: 10:00
Location: Jardin des Tuileries
Event: Walking through the Jardin des Tuileries this morning, on the way back from walking Lee to work, I see this woman working out. She had a jump rope and she was walking forward and skipping rope. But every single time, her back foot would get caught on the rope.
Evil: I wanted her to fall on her face. It wasn't just a fleeting thought. I really, really wanted her to fall. I found myself slowing down and staring at her, waiting, hoping. After five minutes, and after noticing that this couple was watching me stare at this woman, I left, crestfallen that she was still upright.
Time: 10:08
Location: Jardin des Tuileries
Event: Annoyed that I had wasted five minutes watching some strange woman hoping that she would fall, I kept walking. Two minutes later, this jogger passed me. Lee and I see this guy every now and then on the walk to his office. He is always jogging around 10:00. He is super short and really ripped. The last time we saw him, he was showing off by repeatedly jogging forward and then turning really quickly and jogging backwards.
Evil: When he passed me today, I had an overwhelming urge to trip him or to push him as he jogged by.*
Time: 10:30
Location: Champion (grocery store)
Event: I stopped by the grocery store on my way home. I always bring a bag with me when I go grocery shopping. I got a cart, put the bags in the very front part of the cart, filled the cart up with groceries and proceeded to the checkout line. I left the bags in the cart and filled them up. I paid and then started to leave. As I was picking up the bags, I noticed that a container of blueberries had accidentally slipped under the bags and so wasn't paid for.
Evil: I slipped the blueberries in my bag and didn't pay for them.
*I get this urge every now and then when I'm behind somebody on the stairs.
3 comments:
the other day, i saw a baby in a stroller holding a fully wrapped piece of candy. the mother was no where to be found. what to do, what to do?
Don't be so hard on yourself, Pegs. Limiting yourself to one out of three "evil things" is pretty good - especially when you pick stealing fruit over tripping or pushing someone. Remember, you're married to Lee: the guy who refused to eat fruit and anything else but peanut butter crackers for three years of his life; the guy who regularly tripped and pushed his little sister down stairs, on sidewalks, and into solid objects like parked cars; the guy who, while babysitting his siblings, announced that their parents had been in a car wreck and died and that he was going take care of them from now on, after which he locked them in their closets. Trust me, you've got a long way to go before you qualify as evil.
it would have been so easy to steal it. where do you think the expression comes from? i would have totally stolen it.
your brother was beyond evil as a child. we were just talking about it this weekend in Lille. Sido's boyfriend looked scared listening to the stories. he was looking for the nearest exit.
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