CNN has weird priorities

A while back I signed up for this feature on CNN.com called CNN Breaking News. The basic idea is that whenever something especially newsworthy happens, CNN will send a brief description of the event to my e-mail address, along with a link to the full story. This comes in handy when something big happens like Chief Justice Rehnquist dying or Saddam Hussein getting captured, but other times I have to wonder what constitutes "news" at CNN nowadays. For example, when I checked my blackberry this morning, I found not one but two messages about NBC suspending Don Imus for two weeks for making racist comments about the Rutgers women's basketball team. Aside from Don Imus and his four regular listeners, I'm not quite certain whom this information will affect; I'm pretty sure that my life would have continued just fine without this particular nugget of information. For your amusement, I thought I'd go post some of the least newsworthy e-mails I've received in the last few months.

-- Anna Nicole Smith dies after being found unconscious in her hotel room, a law enforcement source says. Who would have ever expected this health nut to check out early? More importantly, who will E! find to fill its reality show line-up?

-- Mystery writer Mickey Spillane dies after a long illness, a nursing home spokesman says. He was 87. Um, who?

-- NASA is revising its psychological screening of astronauts after one of them, Lisa Nowak, was charged with attempted murder. Well if they're going to impose arbitrary criteria like that there's no sense in submitting my application now.

-- The Associated Press reports Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro was euthanized this morning, according to one of the horse's co-owners. Just great; this is going to throw my fantasy racehorse league stats straight to hell.

-- Actor Mel Gibson enters rehab following his arrest on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol, his spokesman confirms. Aw, shit; I better sell my stock in Seagrams.

-- Tony Gwynn and Cal Ripken Jr. have been elected to baseball's Hall of Fame while Mark McGwire has failed to be admitted. When I read this, I was immediately reminded as to why I no longer have any faith in baseball ... only replace the words "no longer have any" with "never had any" and the word "faith" with "interest".

-- Britney Spears files for divorce from her husband Kevin Federline, citing irreconcilable differences. Even the Pope thought this was a good idea.

-- Leading astronomers say Pluto is no longer defined as a planet, The Associated Press reports. Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is HUGE. Does Neptune know about this?