Sarko Sego Leggo My Eggo
For those of you who might be even remotely interested in French and/or European politics, the first round of the French presidential elections ended yesterday. The result is a run-off between the Socialist candidate Segolene Royal (unmarried mother of four, relative newcomer to national politics, long-time partner of the head of the Socialist party) and the conservative candidate Nicolas Sarkozy (son of a Hungarian immigrant father and mother of Greek Jewish ancestry, former Interior Minister, long-time hard-ass). The two are affectionately known as "Sego" and "Sarko", if you were wondering what in the hell the title meant. No matter who wins, it's going to be tough going for the future president. The economy is lagging behind other European powers, the budget is a train wreck and the social system is going down faster than Divine Brown for a fifty dollar bill. I'm not eligible to vote in France, mainly because I still haven't bothered to get my national ID card or register to vote, but if I had voted I would have been among the 85% of eligible voters in France who went to the polls yesterday and cast a ballot. Let that sink in a little: 85%. I think that the last time 85% of the American electorate voted for anything was in last year's season finale of American Idol.
7 comments:
Sarko will win because of his HUGE French nose. On TV it looks like it was specifically designed to be optimum at sniffy smelly cheese, French wine, and turning up to Americans and English. Yup -- he's going to win.
Sarko is not French. Therefore, you are either insulting the Hungarians, the Greeks or the Jews. You know better than to insult the Greeks right, Rachel Mavis Johnson? So, which is it, the Hungarians or the Jews?????? By the way, my great-grandfather on my mother's side was Jewish. And my great-great-uncle on my father's side was Hungarian.
Forget the nose; check out his eyebrows. The only time you should see eyebrows like that are on Sesame Street when you're learning how to count. Every time I hear him speak I half expect him to bust out in some Transylvanian accent, "Von, Two, Three ... Mwah-Ha-Ha-Ha!"
I'd like to take this opportunity to quote the Daily Show on the Royal-Sarko run off, since I'm clearly not funny enough on my own.
On Royal: "The peculiarly hot Socialist candidate and first French woman to have a real shot at the presidency, leading her to be compared to Hillary Clinton except with more 'Je ne sais quoi' - 'Je ne sais quoi,' of course, French for "chance at being president.'"
On Sarkozy: "Once referred to Muslim Youths as 'scum,' and enjoys spending his time doing
s*%t like this (video of Sarko awkwardly riding a white horse in the middle of cow-infested field). Guess which one is running on a pro-America platform?"
I think it is a biological fact that whether someone is Hungarian, Greek, or a Jew...that living long enough in France (specifically Paris) will make your nose grow large enough so that you can fully enjoy looking down it at all the petite peons around you. I truly think that is why the French do the kiss kiss smoochy hello thing in the air beside the head. Can you imagine the obstacle course his wife has in trying to kiss him on the mouth?
Le probleme avec Paris est il y a beaucoup de Parisiennes. (Ok -- prized to the million grammar issues you find there.)
good thing he fucks around on his wife then. or actually maybe that's the reason. he's hoping that at least one of the women will be able to reach around his nose and find his mouth. although, how he gets multiple women to sleep with him is one of those of mysteries of life that will never be solved. i mean, it's not like he has any charisma to speak of. maybe the nose has special powers.
Special powers? That's AWESOME. Maybe it glows at night to lead Santa's sled in times of fog. Or...maybe it emits a low-level nuclear blast that will sicken his enemies in the political arena when he sneezes.
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