Take this song away

Pegs, Damien and I watched Team America: World Police this weekend, and I was again struck by how masterfully Trey Parker created the soundtrack. Not only did he write and perform a lot of the songs, but he was able to imitate the styles from a number of different genres, not the least of which is the '80s power ballad. I was thinking about it this morning, and for some reason the song "Take My Breath Away" by Berlin got stuck in my head. Just to be clear, I never liked that song; I only bought the Top Gun soundtrack because they were sold out of the "Highway to the Danger Zone" single at Tape World. Now, however, this synthesized atrocity is slowly melting my brain to the point that I've plugged up my ears for fear that it will leak out of my skull. The worst part, though, is that having the song rattle around up there is forcing me to think about Top Gun, especially the scene where Tom Cruise drives over to Kelly McGillis' house right along the beach on his motorcycle to remind the audience that he's a badass and constantly feels the need (the need for speed) and then he gets to Kelly's house and she's eating grapes or something and says that he's late but he just grins and shrugs it off by saying that he was playing grabass with the boys and then the audience all shudders because they just sat through the most homoerotic volleyball scene ever committed to film and then for some reason the lights are down low and Kelly is standing in some sort of hole or Tom is walking on stilts because all of a sudden they're eye-level with each other even though she's 6'3" and he's built like a jockey and then they're making out which is creepy all around because Kelly has a thing for the ladies and Tom is more queer than a three-dollar bill tucked into a transvestite stripper's G-string and all the girls in the audience are holding their breath and batting their eyes as the strains of "Take My Breath Away" echo through the theater and all the guys are thinking how Kelly must be imagining that she's making out with a girl and Tom must be imagining that he's making out with a dude and how neither of them are too far off from the mark and then before you know it Tom and Val Kilmer are in the steam room again and talking smack about who's the colder pilot and Val snaps his teeth shut real fast and all the guys in the audience are hoping that he's not making a reference to biting something really sensitive off and then they blow up a bunch of bad guys and Val and Tom argue about who gets to be on top and the movie ends on a high note even though Anthony Edwards ate it because Tom was too cocky for his own good and put his and everyone else's life at risk because now he's learned his lesson and the lesson is never to leave your wingman. Here's a clip.