Oh, stewardess?

A friend and former officemate of mine, Claire, recently returned from a trip to Canada.  Claire has a deathly fear of flying, but rather than taking Xanax or some other form of anti-anxiety medication, she typically knocks back a couple of pints of beer before boarding the plane.  While this might be alright for an evening voyage, it does raise some eyebrows when she has an early morning flight and is begging the cashier at the cafe to make her coffee Irish.

At some point over the Atlantic, Claire was waiting in line for the bathroom (a regrettable side effect of drinking a gallon's worth of beer pre-flight) when someone asked her if it was ok to put something in one of the overhead bins.  Claire thought it a bit odd, but told him that she supposed it would be ok as long as he was careful to avoid falling items that may have shifted during takeoff.  A bit later she was walking back up the aisle when another man stopped her to ask if she knew how much longer the flight would be.  Claire had been wondering the same thing, so she told him that they were probably about thirty minutes away from the Irish coast and would be making their descent about an hour later.  Not long afterwards, a couple stopped her in the aisle and asked her if she could get them a bassinet for their baby.  

At this point, Claire started to wonder what in the hell was going on.  That's when she realized that all of the flight attendants were wearing scarves, just like the one she was wearing to avoid catching a cold.  She also happened to be wearing a black shirt and black pants, which in the darkened plane looked remarkably similar to the deep blue Air France uniforms.  Oh crap, she thought to herself; everyone on this plane thinks that I'm a flight attendant.

While it's funny enough to think of people mistaking Claire for an airline stewardess, what really cracks me up is that she was buzzed the entire time.  Imagine how you would react if you asked someone you assumed was a flight attendant what the dinner options were, only to find out that she was three sheets to the wind and kept looking out the window to make certain the wings were still attached.  It probably wouldn't instill in you a deep sense of confidence in the flight crew, would it?  Also, because Claire is naturally inclined to be helpful and emits an air of authority and responsibility, she didn't hesitate to do her best (soused as she may have been) to assist these strangers who kept asking her questions for no apparent reason.  I'm not certain whether she took off her scarf to avoid further confusion, but I do know that before she took her seat again, Claire got that couple their bassinet.