Have you heard the one with the Purina?

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart, for my dog Athena the wonder dog. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant? So since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again; although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.) 

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I had stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit me. 

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.