Happy belated birthday, Papa Pool!!!

It's been a heck of a week at the office, so I haven't really had much of a chance to post anything. That's a real shame, because on Monday Papa Pool (aka "Pop", aka "Mix-Master-Fresh") celebrated 58 years of kicking ass and taking names, not necessarily in that order.

To give you an example, I remember one time I came back from a junior high school trip during which I'd gotten into a fight (does it still count as a fight if I didn't land a punch?), and Dad took me aside to give me a little bit of advice. "Son, never make a decision as important as getting into a fight when you're angry. Your emotions take over, you rush into it and then you're giving the bullies what they want." 

Great, I thought, another lesson about the importance of taking the higher ground.

"No, you walk away and collect yourself. Then, once you're calmed down, you choose your moment and when they're not expecting it you punch the shit out of them."

Since I had been expecting a synopsis on the benefits of pacifism, this nugget of wisdom caught me completely by surprise. "Did...did you just tell me that I should hit somebody when they're not expecting it?"

"That's right. If you really need to fight someone, wait until he's walking past you in the hall or leaving the bathroom, and then you break his nose. Make sure you aim for the back of his head so you don't pull your punch short."

This was the most startling piece of information I'd gotten from Dad since he accidentally gave away the ending to "The Empire Strikes Back". I couldn't believe what I was hearing. 

"Wait, wait, wait. Are you seriously telling me that you want me to sucker-punch this guy?"

Dad thought about it for a moment. "Well, I don't want you getting into fights, because I don't think that they solve anything. But if this jerk isn't giving you a choice, and you have to fight him, then I definitely want you to win."

"Um, well, what do I do when he gets back up?"

A puzzled look came over Dad's face. "What do you mean?"

"You know, after I've punched him. He's, like, six feet tall. Even if I break his nose, he's gonna get back up and pound the crap out of me."

"Oh, you don't let him back up," my father said simply. "After you break his nose, you hit him with something till he falls down and then you keep hitting him until they pull you off of him. You kick him in the ribs, you kick him in the face, you kick him in the balls. And make sure you take a step back before each kick."

"Jesus, Dad. They'll kick me out of school for doing something like that."

"Yep, I expect that they will," Dad said thoughtfully. "But I promise you two things: one, this kid will think twice before he picks on you again. And two, if they try to kick you out of school, I'll be the first one to back you up."

I'm proud to say that I never got into another fight, and it was due in no small part to that conversation. As intense as Dad's advice may seem, he taught me three very important lessons that day. The first was that you should never make important decisions based solely on adrenaline, because you're certain to do something that you'll regret. Better to take a minute, calmly evaluate the situation, and if necessary walk away. The second is that, if you have to commit, don't do it halfway. If you're gonna get into trouble for fighting, you might as well be sure you win the fight and make the other guy lose a pint of blood. The third and final lesson was that, no matter what happens, Dad would have my back. That may seem obvious to some of you, since parents are supposed to love their kids and stick up for them, but not many parents would unreservedly state that if push comes to shove they'd be the first to bail their son out of jail for putting some bully in the hospital. Thanks, Dad, and happy birthday!

And now, on a lighter note, here's a birthday greeting from Sofia, who wanted to make sure everyone knows how much she loves her Pop!