Time Waster of the Day: Fun With Google Image Search

If you have a jpeg photo of yourself and a few minutes to kill, try playing this little game that Brooke introduced to me. Go to Google Image Search, click the little camera icon in the search bar and upload a jpeg of yourself. Google will then find what pictures that it thinks look "similar" to yours, often with amusing results. To get the ball rolling, I've pasted a few of my "best" and "worst" results below. Why I have so many female images in my "best" category is almost as disturbing as why I have so many creepy guys.  First, the worst:

Now for the "best":

 

 

From the Mouth of Sofia (Smart)

Conversation with Sofia this morning en route to school:

Sofia (a propos of nothing): Daddy, only boys can be called dude.

Me: Sofia, “dude” just means a cool person.  If I can’t call you dude, I’ll just call you “cool person.”

Sofia: Daddy, that’s so smart!

Me: You’re smart.

Sofia: You’re the smartest!

Me: Even smarter than Ms. Merike?  [Sofia’s teacher]

Sofia (following a prolonged thoughtful pause): Daddy … you're smart.

From the Mouth of Sofia (Math and Negotiations Edition)

At my most recent parent-teacher conference, Sofia's teacher told me that Sofia is doing great with reading, but isn't really into math yet. The most enthusiasm she's shown for numbers lately is to tell me that she loves me "infinity". The other day in the car I thought I would show her a couple of neat tricks about math to pique her interest, and this is the conversation that followed:

Me: Sofia, what's zero plus one?

Sofia: I don't know, Daddy.

Me: Well, any number plus zero is that number. Isn't that neat? So zero plus one would be?

Sofia (stressing): I don't know, Daddy!

Me: Zero plus one is just one. Zero plus two is two. So what is zero plus three?

Sofia: Three!

Me: Right! What's zero plus four?

Sofia: Four!

Me: Great! What's zero plus five?

Sofia: Five!

Me: Right again! Now, what's infinity plus zero?

Sofia: Six!

I think that everyone's laughter might have set back her interest in math by a month or two....

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When I got home from work this evening, Sofia obviously had Disney on the brain. She pulled out her Disney pass from September and said:

Sofia: Daddy, do you remember this place?
Me: Disney World? Sure I do, sweetie.
Sofia: Um, can we go to there again?
Me: Someday, sweetheart, sure.
Sofia (excited that she had won a negotiating point): And when we go, can we stay for a day?
Me: Just one day?
Sofia: Um, no Daddy, two days!
Me: Just two days?
Sofia: Three days!
Me: Three days, huh?
Sofia: Ten days!
Me: Well, aren't you gourmande? First you wanted one day, and now you've jumped all the way to ten days. How about three days?
Sofia: Nine days!
Me: What about three days?
Sofia: Eight days!
Me: What about three days?
Sofia: Seven days!
Me: What about three days?
Sofia: Six days!
Me: What about three days?
Sofia: Five days!
Me: What about three days?
Sofia: Four days!
Me: What about two days?
Sofia: Three days!
Me: OK, you win. Three days.

Sofia walked off very proudly, having in her mind won the negotiations. If only all of my deals at work went this smoothly....

Happy (belated) birthday, Ariel!

With everything else that was going on this weekend, I completely blanked out on calling my lovely sister-in-law Ariel for her birthday on Sunday. To say that I'm embarrassed and ashamed for not having called her is a huge understatement, so I thought I should publicly fall on my sword and wish her a happy belated birthday here. If there's anyone else out there who also failed to send Ariel timely birthday wishes, you can take some cold comfort that you're not alone. Of course, you should also keep in mind what kind of company you're in, and then see how well you sleep tonight. Happy belated birthday, Ariel!

Funny Guy

After lunch on Saturday, Sofia and I went to the grocery store to buy some last-minute provisions for the birthday party. Among other things, I wanted some balloons to put on our mailbox so people who had never been to the house would know where to turn. I asked the balloon lady for two pink balloons (for Sofia) and two blue balloons (for me). The lady pulled out a couple of pink balloons, held them up and asked to confirm, "Two pink?" I quipped, "Well, I was hoping for something a little more muted, but I guess that's not TOO pink." She gave me a completely blank stare, which prompted me to explain my "two / too" joke. "Oh; very funny," she said unconvincingly. Just then, right when I was about to get all embarrassed for my horrible pun, Sofia exclaimed gleefully, "HA! My daddy is a funny guy!" Some people may call it pandering to the lowest common denominator; I call it appealing to a target audience of one.

Birthday barbecue

It was my birthday on Friday, and on Saturday Sofia and I hosted a small barbecue to celebrate my birthday (36th) and Sofia's half-birthday (four-and-a-"halfth"). Nothing fancy, mind you, although in typical Vanderpool fashion I over-thought things and bought WAY too many provisions. I ended up buying enough food for three barbecues (and enough drinks for about ten), but at least part of the blame has to be laid on Costco's ample shoulders. It's impossible to go in there and NOT buy too much stuff. Especially when, like me, your objective is to get a variety of items for discerning guests.  So instead of buying a six-pack of orange soda for  people who may not want Coke or Sprite, I now have an entire flat of Sunkist. And ginger ale. Actually, my favorite Costco purchase from this weekend might have been the case of Coke I bought in glass bottles, made with real cane sugar instead of cane syrup. I bought them as kind of a novelty, but they were by far the most popular (non-alcoholic) beverage at the party. They taste so much better than the canned corn syrup stuff, and there's something almost patriotic about drinking a Coke from a glass bottle at a barbecue. I felt like I was in a commercial every time I took a swig from one. 

As for the party itself, I think that everyone had a pretty good time. The weather was perfect, the liquor was flowing and the kids were running around the yard non-stop. The monster playset in the backyard was finally used for its intended purpose of entertaining more than a dozen children at a time; I swear, there are municipalities that don't have a playset that large, so it's almost sad when there are only a couple of kids playing on it. My margaritas were a big hit with the parents, which is good because I still have three handles of tequila that I need to use and now I have ample confirmation that people will drink it. Also, if anyone wants a pound of birthday cake with white chocolate buttercream frosting, I think I can hook you up, too.

All told, it was really nice to host some great friends, and the evening was made even better when I went back into the house after the party was over and realized that those same friends had cleaned everything up for me. It was the most incredibly thoughtful gesture, and I couldn't have asked for a better birthday present. I'm seriously tempted to invite everyone over next weekend for a Mexican-themed vacuuming party....

I didn't take any pictures, but I know that people had their cameras going at different times in the evening. Once I get a hold of some shots, I'll post them. Thanks again to everyone who was able to make it, and a special thanks to all those who left my kitchen even cleaner than it was before I started prepping for the party!

From the Mouth of Sofia (Marketing Edition)

I'm starting to think that Sofia has been watching too much TV. The other day I made some remark about a mess, causing Sofia to announce, "I have to Oxy-Clean the tough stains out." I'm pretty sure that she's not their target market, but somewhere at this very moment the ad wizards behind Oxy-Clean's new marketing campaign are chest-bumping and giving each other high fives.

My Kid Rocks

One thing I will always love about Sofia is her unfailing optimism. On Monday she was diagnosed with a case of toxic synovitis, a temporary arthritic condition in children that is unpleasant but fortunately sounds a lot worse than it actually is. She's been recovering well, but even today she was limping around like a pimp looking to collect his cut. On top of that, this afternoon she apparently took a shot from a shopping cart just below her left eye, gave herself a hickey on her right arm from sucking it so hard and almost knocked out her remaining front tooth while playing on a slide. Her tooth was still loose this evening, so I took her to a soft-serve ice cream place for "dinner". For anyone else, today would have almost certainly qualified as a Grade-A bummer. Three bites into her ice cream, though, she looked at me with a big, chocolate-covered grin and said, "Daddy, this is the best day!" God, how could I not love this kid?

Sofia in Rittenhouse Square; May 13, 2012

Afternoon Karate Kid

Sofia hit some big milestones this week. First, she's now going to school until three in the afternoon. Late last week I got a text from Sofia's teacher asking if I would be interested in putting her in the afternoon program. I responded that it would be fine with me if she thought Sofia was ready, to which she quickly responded that Sofia was tremendously excited at the idea and was very ready to begin. I got back that evening and mentioned the possibility to her, and Sofia immediately lit up with pride at the prospect of being "an afternoon kid". On Monday she took her lunchbox to school (she loves that lunchbox) and was smiling all the way into the classroom. By all accounts she's been enjoying herself very much, although trying to get any specific details out of her is completely futile.

Sofia's next big milestone is that she has been dry at night for an entire week now (with the exception of one evening in which Daddy forgot to put her on the potty before he went to bed). To ensure success, Daddy and/or Yia Yia put Sofia on the toilet late at night (usually between midnight and 2:00 a.m.); Sofia is virtually catatonic during these bathroom trips, but they've been effective. She is extremely pleased with herself that she doesn't need diapers at night any more; perhaps the only person who is more thrilled with the situation is Daddy.

Finally, Sofia started taking karate lessons the other week. She attended a friend's birthday party at a karate school a couple of weekends ago, and I was so impressed by the teacher and how much Sofia enjoyed it that I signed her up for a month's worth of lessons. The cost? $19.99 for four classes, and that included the uniform. Talk about a no-brainer. Hopefully it will improve her coordination a bit (she gets her lack of agility honestly), and at a minimum she seems to be having a good time. My only concern is for Eva's safety; one of these days, Sofia might "star block" her in the head over a disputed pile of Cheerios or something.

From the Mouth of Sofia (Gymnastics Edition)

Papou took Sofia to school this morning; this is the exchange Sofia and I had before she left:

Me: Bye, Sofia! Have fun at school today!

Sofia: Bye, Daddy! Have fun at work!

Me (blatantly stealing a line from Eric's dad): Work is work, Sofia. If work were fun, they would call it "fun".

Sofia (without missing a beat): And that's why they call them "gymnastics".