Sick day

Are you stuck at work when you would rather be somewhere else? Anywhere else? Would you rather attend jury duty than be at the office? Have to spend the day in the hospital having tests done? Attend the funeral of a close relative who lived out of town? Well, now you can! Thanks to the Excused Absence Network, you can blow off work with the greatest of ease, all for the low, low price of $25. As long as your boss isn't too bright, he or she will fall for it every time! So go ahead and take off work today; you weren't going to get anything done anyway.