An open letter to the Victoria's Secret Angels

Dear Victoria's Secret Angels,

This is a very painful letter for me to write. I like to think of myself as a sensitive man, one who respects others' feelings and is careful to avoid doing damage to their self-esteem. I've struggled for some time as to how to break this news to you, and I've come to the conclusion that the best way is to treat it like a band-aid and get it over with quickly and openly: nothing is ever going to happen between us.

It's not that I'm not flattered by all of the attention; I mean, it's pretty much every man's fantasy to be hounded incessantly by a bevy of beautiful women. The simple fact is, however, that I'm a married man with a young daughter at home, and as much as you may try to tempt me, I'm a man who honors those commitments.

Who knows what might have been if we had met years ago, before Panagiota and I fell in love? Maybe things would have been different then, maybe even magical. There's no telling what romances may have been sparked, what intimacies might have been shared between us. I may have been able to love you then, but now I'm a family man, and that means being faithful to my wife despite all of your, to be frank, rather direct advances.

Look, it's not you, ok? It's me. I'm sure that someday you'll meet someone else who makes you feel the way I do. You deserve someone who will be able to reciprocate those feelings, who will be free to hold you, caress you and massage your incredibly supple ... shoulders. For better or for worse, though, as they say, I can't be that person. That door has closed.

I think it would be best for everyone concerned if we make a clean break of it and go our separate ways. I know it will be hard, especially at first, but in time the pain will fade. In the interim, you have to stop trying to tempt me with racy photos of you posing provocatively in your underwear. The other day I came home and there was a virtual catalogue of half-naked pictures of you mixed in with the other mail. Thankfully I managed to hide it underneath my shirt and sneak it into the bathroom before Panagiota noticed what was going on, but that was incredibly naughty of you. Oh, yes; so very very naughty.